The No Regret Formula
I was in Thailand for a vacation when Micha - a friend of mine - reached out and invited me to a swing dance crash course that he was leading in Bangkok. I've always been fascinated by that social dancing stuff but have not really set aside anytime to learn it properly, so I said yes immediately, buzzing with anticipation for a great time with cool people and music.
Micha gave me a bear hug and a beaming smile as a welcome. We had some time to catch up since I was early. When he knew I was heading to the US for an exchange program soon, his eyes sparkled, and he insisted that I got to meet his American friend Cookie (yeah, her name is literally Cookie). Not sparing me a minute to hesitate, he dragged me all the way to where she stood and introduced me to her.
Everything happened so fast and I suddenly found myself standing in front of a middle-aged woman with pixie blond hair, a red T-shirt, and a pencil skirt. I didn't know what to say, but that awkwardness quickly subsided when Cookie started talking. About the US, about her nomad life, about swing dance. "Oh my God, how on Earth can one be that lively and cheerful to a stranger? Her energy is contagious!" It's 9 PM, and I've had a busy traveling day, but somehow talking to her energized me. We talked for a while and started dancing. I had a blast that night.
We met up again two days later to continue our conversation at her favorite rooftop bar where I could see the panorama view of Bangkok at night. Holding a glass of "Take some time" (cocktail), she leisurely walked me through her life story.
- My husband and I started working remotely a long time ago. We first moved to Vancouver, which was pretty nice until the winter came (urgh). So every winter, we would travel to Asia to escape the cold. We went to Singapore, Thailand, Japan, South America, etc., you know, we're kinda hopping around. We've been to Bangkok about 9 times and finally got a long-term visa to stay here almost 4 years ago. Oh, but do not think I'm already settled down, not yet, I'm still very nomadic.
- We both see the perks of living a nomadic lifestyle, traveling, and enjoying life on the move, I wonder if there are any downsides or tradeoffs you have experienced?
- I think the challenges are mostly about work. I spent many years in the office, so I know in-person interactions are crucial to building a good, understanding team. Also when you work in the office, you have more chances to learn from other colleagues and to be recognized by your boss. However, it also depends on what you're trying to do. Working from home is comfy and sometimes more productive, but to develop your skills, learn about the industry and get a mentor, it's much more difficult doing it remotely.
- Is there anything you wish you'd known when you were 22?
- I don't remember when I figured it out, but I'd call it "The No Regret Formula". Many times in life, you need to decide something important like "Should I go to this university for grad school? Should I break up with this person? Should I move to New York City to take that job, or should I move to Barcelona and start swing dancing?" Whatever. They might be these things. And you can never know if the choice you make at that particular moment is correct. You just can't know. The future is always funny and it has so many things involved. But what you can know is that at some point in the future, you're gonna look back at that decision, and you'll be either like "Oh, I really wish I weren't in Barcelona", or "Thank God I'm in Barcelona!" In both cases, you will not have any regret about going to Barcelona if you know that when the decision was made, you said down at yourself and validated all the pros and cons of making that choice. Given everything you knew at that moment, you chose this, and you have done the best you can, so no regret. For most of my decisions, I listened to my gut at the time, considered all the information that I had and chose, knowing that I gave stuff up to be on that side. After several years, if I had known the other things were gonna happen, of course, I would choose differently, but I didn't know that then, so I let myself off the hook. And I don't think people let themselves off the hook. They often beat themselves off the information they haven't had yet. So, think ahead of what might happen after you make a choice and evaluate it. When you finally decide, you don't look back and regret it because you know you've done the best you can, and no matter what happens, you'll be fine.
- That's incredibly profound, thank you so much! Wow, I'm seriously suffering from decision fatigue and the paradox of choice, and that's exactly what I need to hear right now. I thank my lucky stars that Micha invited me to the dance and introduced me to you.
Walking down the street after talking to Cookie, I felt a sense of relief about the future. I learned that, despite my best effort to make as many "right" decisions as possible, my life is not going to turn out the way I expect, but that's totally okay. As long as I live mindfully, have an open mind, continually try new things, and seek opportunities I am passionate about, my life will be just fine.
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